Feb. 1, 2004...a date that this nation will never forget, a date that forever changed the way we would think about ourselves and our halftime entertainment. That was the day that Janet, Miss Jackson if you're nasty, had the audacity to show her bejeweled nipple (with a little help from Justin Timberlake) to the world. That one simple nipple threw the FCC into a rage, religious groups into a fervor and launched Super Bowl organizers on a determined quest to rid halftime of ANY possible controversy.
Since that fateful afternoon we have been treated to an entertaining, if aged, group of Rock and Roll Hall of Famers like Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, Tom Petty and The Boss. This past Sunday was no exception. British rock legends The Who, or half of the Who at least, with Ringo's kid on drums, rocked through a collage of all time classics. But during the show America was forced to endure something that personally I found FAR more offensive than Janet's nipple...Pete Townshend's belly. Again and again the guitar god windmilled his way through iconic guitar riffs, each time exposing his pasty, wrinkled, old man flab. No one wants to see that. No one. So I got to thinking, what were halftimes like before Janet?
A quick trip to the wide world of web left me surprised and amused. Eight of the first nine Super halftimes featured college marching bands, including UofM's in 1973. The one that didn't had Miss Carol Channing! I'm sure gentlemen all across this great land held their collective breath, hoping for a glimpse of Ms. Channing's hooter. Two years later Channing would appear again, this time with fellow hottie Ella Fitzgerald.
Over the next 14 years "Up With People" subject football fans to a special brand of nausea inducing happiness FOUR times, including right here at our very own Pontiac Silverdome. Also sprinkled in during that decade and a half were more marching bands, drill teams, Carribean bands and the dynamic duo of George Burns and Mickey Rooney.
It wasn't until 1991 that a current pop act would hit the halftime stage in the form of that envelope pushing power house New Kids on the Block. NKOTB performed with Disney characters and a childrens' choir singing "It's a Small World"...guess where that game took place.
The ensuing years were a smattering of who was hot and who used to be hot, including Diana Ross, Stevie Wonder, Gloria Estefan (3 times), U2, Sting, Aerosmith w/ Britney Spears and even the King of Pop himself.
So I guess we shouldn't complain too much about the fossil rockers that have become as much a tradition as nachos, football squares and Super Monday hangovers. It could be much worse...I think Carol Channing is still alive.
1 comment:
Maybe they should just show the highlights from the first half, let the fans get up and walk around, and the home viewers take a piss...Seems to work for the other weeks of the football season. So, why is the Superbowl different...
One word...Chicks. Women, for whatever reason, watch the Superbowl. And therefore it is no longer "sport", but "entertainment"...much like Big Brother, Survivor, or the Bachelor.
I say, raise the bar. Instead of dumbing-down the game for the ladies, I say elevate it to the pure distillation of athletic competition it should be.
Women tend to hate math. The half time should be a statistical review of the game, season, and football in general. Kinda like a fantasy football preview.
Football is war-lets not fool ourselves. Women have been repulsed by war since the first Battle of Bull Run. Lets keep it that way.
I say drive the women back into the kitchens with dreams of Oprah dancing in their heads. That will eliminate the nipple problem once and for all.
The NFL should know it has a problem when there are more reporters from Entertainment tonight than Sports Illustrated at the big game.
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